A year ago yesterday (Saturday) my mother contacted us concerned that Dad might die that night.. She didn't want to be alone. She asked if one of us could sleep over. I went straight to her house. Mark came soon after and Matt, then Jill followed by Jeff. We all gathered by our parents to face this sad time together. The only one not able to be there was my brother in Las Vegas. We surrounded my Dads bed. We talked to him, around him and over him. We told stories and shared memories. Laughing and crying. Dad wasn't really aware of us but we all held onto him until he got agitated and shooed us away. We went out of the room to find food. One brother consumed countless bowls of cereal and a few tortillas. It felt like when we were all kids together. We all slept with an ear on Dads breathing.
The next day we once again gathered around Dads bed. We told him it was ok for him to go. "Go where?" He asked. Back to Heaveny Father. "Not yet" he said. Then he looked around at each of us and said "oh, you're all here." Then he had the boys help him out to his chair in the family room. He sat with us for a while.
My own family was getting ready to leave on a long planned trip. So A year ago today I loaded them up and we drove back to say good bye to their awesome grandpa. He hugged each of us and gave encouraging words to my children. His Bishop stopped by and offered the sacrament to my parents. Because I hadn't been to church that day I was asked to join in too. A year ago today I accompanied my Dad as he participated in his final ordinance. What a blessing that was.
A year ago Thursday, we took our kids to Legoland. It was a cold, rainy day. A rare day that closed the park. We decided to go find food. We were just finishing lunch at PF Changs in Carlsbad California when Mom called to tell me Dad had died. As my Hubbs was driving us back to Anaheim, I asked him to stay close to the ocean for a while. We soon found Laguna Beach. I recognized it instantly from childhood trips. We walked out to a mound of rocks. And spent an hour exploring tide pools, taking in the cool ocean breeze with tears flowing. It was A beautiful, healing place.
It is 1:50 am. I want to sleep but tonight I am consumed by "A year ago.. I am not sure if last year hurt as much as this year is. I read a quote from a book that said
"The only way to remove pain from death is to remove love from life."
My Dad was a wonderful man that enjoyed family, adventure, good food, getting lost, and being surrounded by family and good friends. I was raised with lots of love. I am thankful to have had a Dad that's worth missing. This week I will keep in mind two songs from his funeral Be Still My Soul and There Is Sunshine In My Soul Today. And I will think of his humor and his kindness. I am blessed that I was his daughter.
Laguna Beach Dec 13, 2012
Covering a lot with those sunglasses.
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