Status Update

Just gonna sneak this on in here. 

It's August 11, 2015. August 7 would have been my anniversary. 23 years it would have been. Instead, I have been officially divorced for 2 months today. 

I have such divided emotions on this. On one side, we probably could have saved things. But this status change has been brought up to me, regularly for the past 14 years. I think I finally realized we had both stopped taking care of each other. I was tired of never being "enough". Of always having that over my head. So the last time it came up, I agreed. 

The divorce part is easy. We had seperated ourselves long ago. It's all the rest of it that terrifies me. My first concern was money.   -Failure Is Not An Option-. I went from being a home Mom to working very physically, full time. I have a deep need to earn my way, to earn my check so I keep pulling as many hours as I can find, to help fill the money gap. My body is hurting. But I am so thankful to my dear friend and his sweet wife who gave me a job. I am thankful it is active and lets me move and experience multiple locations and many fun people. 

 I started a savings and was building it up, until 2 car repairs, and a fall slamming  my head into the pavement, whittled it all away. So now I am failing. And I don't know how to get back up.

I Know there have been and are blessings coming to me. I know all will be well. I know God is working to get me Somewhere. But I can't sit around waiting for that. I have no idea what steps I should be taking to help the process along. I just know there is no one coming to save me and I Have to figure it out for myself. I have to be strong for myself. When I really want to have me one of them "curl up in a ball and cry" things.