Lost.

Lately, I just feel empty. I have no idea where I am or where I'm headed. My schedule is so fluctuating. I never know when I'll be home. I'm not with my kids much and when I am, I'm too tired. I am kind of too old for the night shift, day shift, night, switch up. It's exhausting. 

It's hard to go to things alone because the whole time, I'm just alone. And usually my work, somehow messes it up. Never intentionally. Its just "the breaks." 

I need to give a Family History lesson today. I have NO idea what it will be. Probably no one will show up anyway. (Not moping, in this ward, people don't really attend Fam History) 

I am not where I belong. Not where I need to be. But I have no idea how to get there. I can't just jump and hope I land right. I must have a clear step ahead of me before I leave the one I'm on. There is no back up plan. There is no rescue and there is no shining knight. 

On a more -give myself credit- point. It has been a year since the final conversations took place. A year since divorce was discussed, acknowledged and true separations happened.

 And I'm still here!

I'm doing alright. My biggest mistake was a hospital visit with random bills that keep showing up. I also have 3 cars that aren't cooperating with the financial outlook. But I'm not broken. I'm slowly building my financial ground for the first time in 23 years. And that feels really good. 

I'm on my way. I'm doing ok. Today, I'm sad. But that's going to happen. Everyone is allowed sad days. I'm ready for some shifting. I hope I'm doing the right things to find It. 

SteamPunk bedroom

My daughter left for college leaving me with a spare room. Time for a change. I walked around fabric stores looking for inspiration when I found this fabric. I felt like it was relatively steamy so steampunk guest room it shall be. 

To the Pinterest for more inspiration. How will I do curtains? Wall stuff? How do you decorate a dresser? The thinking and nightmaring was in full swing. I was driving through the neighborhood and saw this dresser on the side of the road it had been in the weather and was quite brittle. The drawers would fall apart in your hands. I figured the main part was well enough and I set out to rescue it. (it sat in my garage almost a year. 

I tore out the drawers, tacked down the top divider and found a lovely green paint to match my fabric. (not turquoise like it looks here, see, I'm trying other things too) 

I also had a hand me down end table in need of a freshening. This was also my first foray into Chalk Paint and Holy Jeebers did I love it!  

I found a recipe at the blog InMyOwnStyle.com  It is 

1 cup latex paint

2 tablespoons Calcium Carbonate 

1 Tbsp Water

mix well and love it. It goes on nicely.  The end table was black. I covered it in 2 coats. I am now addicted to this blend. also 

DONT SPEND THE MONEY ON A LIMITED COLOR OPTION THAT COSTS 3 TIMES

 AS MUCH.

Calcium Carbonate can be found at a health food store for around $10. I have used it on multiple projects, given some away and still have over half of a 12 oz bottle. 

I then sealed it with Johnson's Paste wax. Found in the Lowe's Cleaning aisle for about $12 compared to $30 if ordered through the same companies with limited color choice.   

Next, to Ikea for a scroll frame. They have a cool mirror that was more than I wanted to spend, but I knew this was what I wanted so I did it. Then immediately broke the mirror. (zoinks)  

I am loving the Rust-Oleum Metallic paints. Oil Rubbed Bronze and Flat Chestnut have been my "go-to's" I painted this in the bronze for a deep grey then, holding the can high, I added a light spray of the chestnut and an even lighter spray of Krylon Caramel Latte gold. I am enjoying the speckled finish. 

Since the mirror was gone I needed something to put in the frame. I would love to find a Steampunk print but I don't have the budget for it so I went into my stash and made a paper flower vine. The red votives were a thrift store find. 

Onto the curtains. I was trying to think of a steamy tieback and came up with this.  

I LOVE THEM!!!  I am so amazed they worked. I cut fabric pieces shaped like below. 

In fact this is the inside of the tieback just for a flash of color if you see them. 

I had an old white bird house that has been sitting in a closet. Bit of paint, a flexible metal detail, some succulents. (later replaced with fake ones) 

The Star got a new silver paint job, and the lamp came from Hobby Lobby. I liked it because It was more structural. 

I looked for final photos, I'm not finding any. It doesn't really matter as we moved soon after and the parts and pieces got spread between 2 households.  I really hoped to set up the curtains in my room but I would need to make more panels for a huge window. The fabric is loong gone from that store which is closing anyway. I also have the ugly valance of horrible vertical blinds blocking the way.  So the curtains and tie backs are boxed up for another house. 

Lego Cabinet

We are always looking for more Lego space. (Too many Lego's)  This entertainment cabinet has been living in a dark corner in the basement. I realized we could spice it up and make some room for Caden's collection.

We knew it couldn't just be a plain black shelf. That's no fun for Lego. Caden likes "environments" for playing. So we drew out some guidelines, mixed up some chalk paint and got to it.

We reused the stippling and Sandy textured spray paint to relocate the Star Wars Sarlac pit scene. 

Cut a new shelf to fill the open gap for the Ninjago Temple.

Painted grass and pathways for Hogwarts Castle. 

Then pulled all the Bionicles out of storage to really prove to Mom that we have spent far too much over the years. 

It got Crammed up the stairway of our new house. It was a tight squeeze that took a few turns and a couple of scratched walls to get just right. But its contents were the first thing "the Boy" unpacked when we got here.

So, over all, a success.

                                         

Status Update

Just gonna sneak this on in here. 

It's August 11, 2015. August 7 would have been my anniversary. 23 years it would have been. Instead, I have been officially divorced for 2 months today. 

I have such divided emotions on this. On one side, we probably could have saved things. But this status change has been brought up to me, regularly for the past 14 years. I think I finally realized we had both stopped taking care of each other. I was tired of never being "enough". Of always having that over my head. So the last time it came up, I agreed. 

The divorce part is easy. We had seperated ourselves long ago. It's all the rest of it that terrifies me. My first concern was money.   -Failure Is Not An Option-. I went from being a home Mom to working very physically, full time. I have a deep need to earn my way, to earn my check so I keep pulling as many hours as I can find, to help fill the money gap. My body is hurting. But I am so thankful to my dear friend and his sweet wife who gave me a job. I am thankful it is active and lets me move and experience multiple locations and many fun people. 

 I started a savings and was building it up, until 2 car repairs, and a fall slamming  my head into the pavement, whittled it all away. So now I am failing. And I don't know how to get back up.

I Know there have been and are blessings coming to me. I know all will be well. I know God is working to get me Somewhere. But I can't sit around waiting for that. I have no idea what steps I should be taking to help the process along. I just know there is no one coming to save me and I Have to figure it out for myself. I have to be strong for myself. When I really want to have me one of them "curl up in a ball and cry" things. 

Sword 2.0

When I decided to rebuild the sword I put a post on Cosplay Utah and the amazing Fitz from Caliston Armory responded. http://www.calistonarmory.com . Fitz is amazing and so helpful. I visited his shop and left with a Carbon Fiber center post, a sheet of EVA foam and clear instructions so I could make good progress before needing him again. 

 Cut out your foam pieces. The center one seen above has the center section cut out so the main post could be placed to secure the whole thing and provide hilt space. I used the packing tape that has  strings layered in, to secure it but I cut the tape too long. I ended up fighting some of those ends once I was sanding the blade angles in. Using a steel brush, rough up the smooth foam underside. The next step is getting the layers bound together using Weldwood Contact Cement. (hit it with a heat gun before laying down on next piece)

Once they are all in it is time for shaping and sanding. This foam sanded down nicely but leaves a pretty good mess of dust. Once all the pieces were sanded we placed them on the center post. I thickened up the handle by wrapping leather over a layer of mounting tape wrapped over a PVC tube then sliding that in place. 

Back to see Fitz and have him help secure all the parts and spray Plastidip over the whole thing. 

Looks nice huh?

Some Hammered Steel spray paint.  Followed by the Blue my son chose. 

We ended up with a HUGE sword that is light weight with clean lines. We were SO much happier with these end results. 

Much to work on before September. Some of it might even get finished. ;-)

Sword 1.0

My son decided he needed a sword for his cosplay then drew this picture for me.  My first thought was "How it the world am I going to do this?" 

I started looking online and found the awesome Kamui Cosplay http://www.kamuicosplay.com .  She makes some amazing things and she is fun to watch. I followed her spray foam tutorial. but I didn't quite get her results. 

You start with a basic cardboard form

Cover it in Spray Foam (WEAR GLOVES)

Once dry you shape it out with a blade 

At this point I was quite proud. It was looking Sword like and my son was happy with it. But the foam had so many large holes in it. I filled holes with more spray, then shaped those new bubbles back down to the shape. 

I used glue to try to fill and smooth. I even went to a prop shop and bought something specific to fill and never was happy with the texture. Figuring I had done all I could, I moved on to the Paper Mach'e

Basic Paper Mach'e.  No big deal. 

There, a sword.  Some spray paint and we had...

A heavy sword with a strange angle and a rough texture that we couldn't sand down. I wasn't happy with it. Then the whole outer shell started cracking. I'd refill the crack and that would crack. Eventually an entire blue tip pealed right off. At that point I decided my spray foam days were over. We were going to start over We needed a new plan. 

Sword 2.0 to come soon. 

Alice Cosplay

Like stated in the last post, we needed a kid friendly, recognizable character. Once Jenna got Alice in her mind she started sketching out what she would want it to be. 

Cute huh?  So the challenge is on. We found a great fabric in the clearance section. I bought far more than needed. Just to keep things out of order, we then found a really good pattern.

Time to start sewing. 

I knew she wanted the skirt to be Pouffy so we made a full tulle under layer. 

Time for accessories. Of course the wig and hat.

A purse for her phone with a few details. 

If you look close there is a Cheshire Cat ring being held in her purse clasp and a cute Alice pocket watch.  

And now, the completed look as worn to SL ComiCon FanX.

How cute is this girl??